I won't. [He doesn't say he wouldn't mess with Papyrus's stuff, of course. That's mostly true, but obviously not entirely. There's lying and then there's going out of your way to lie. Still, something like that he'll leave alone. He should probably put Papyrus's knife back too. He can see the port in Papyrus's temple with the help of his halo without even having to give Papyrus a sideways look. If there's a matching one on the other side, if Papyrus decides to free it up now--
Sans doesn't know how to think about it. He tries not to.] Alphys never liked when I messed with her computer stuff, either. Dunno why. [He knows exactly why, and the answer is because he would always change the settings in a mostly harmless but extremely obnoxious way.]
You dunno, huh? [Papyrus imitates Sans's voice, mockingly but affectionately so. Still leaking tears, still worked up, but some tension in his body is relaxing again with the reassurance - the promise - not to touch the tower. As far as he can tell, his brother is being downright responsible and forthright today, by his standards. Sans seems to be keeping his word about these feelings powers, at least, and this has been... it's a lot of taking initiative to help.] Let me guess! Changing her icons to obnoxious things. And her ringtone. And her desktop image?
Those are called improvements. [But yes. Absolutely. Sans is relaxing more as Papyrus does; at least it seems like things are as normal as they get in San Benedicto again.]
You think so? I think you'll find you're wrong about that! [Papyrus makes a scoffing sound, unimpressed with Sans's nonsense.] As I'm sure you would find... if we could ask her...?
[Which... that, of course, brings up the question of what happened to her. If she was safe, how the evacuation went for everyone. Whether anyone managed to stop the human, through more conventionally lethal means than his last ditch plea to their morality and/or fears... One doesn't need to sense others' emotions to follow the path of his emotions, worry and unresolved grief clearly crossing his face again. But he ducks his head further, skimming the snapshots of memory he's saved to the phone to try and focus on something other than that uncertainty.]
[Sans doubts Alphys left her lab after everyone evacuated into it. She wouldn't leave everyone alone there. Besides, there wasn't anywhere for her to go, really. Not that it matters--the anomaly was on their way to ending everything. She wasn't killed, but she's probably dead by now.]
If she ever shows up, I'll let you know what she thinks. [Sans's reply is casual, but he's a little distant in his response. Trying not to think too hard about it. Thinking about home always gets that out of him.]
Psshhh. As if I'd believe your passed on message, about your own misdeeds? [Papyrus's voice is shaky, as he keeps trying to sound like normal. Feeling a need to compensate for the distance in Sans's voice, and the conversation veering dangerously towards... things.] I'll just... ask her myself! When I get the chance!
[If he ever gets the chance. Not looking likely, with how rare that strange lightning is, and how nobody else they've ever known has shown up. And it's not clear why, not when it turned out Sans hadn't died right after him, but after... a real fight, in a golden hallway...? He hasn't thought of that in a while, those memories he kept getting so frustrated with for leaking over the hivemind in the early part of renovating their new home. The echoes of grief and anger and retribution, but more than that the desperation to stop them before it was too late. That heavy, heart-crumbling guilt that even Papyrus's own death hadn't been too late... His fingers come to a trembling halt in his browsing of the gallery, as he stares more into secondhand memory than this copy of his own.]
I can't believe you guys are gonna gang up on me like this. [Which they're not, not really, because they're here and Alphys is... Not. Of course, they'd shown up even after being dead, but Sans has already thought before that it would take too much luck for more people from home to show up, and he's not changing that viewpoint. Anyway, if Alphys had been caught up in the end of the world, it might make it hard for even this place to grab her.
Sans notices the sudden pause in Papyrus's scrolling a moment after pushing his own thoughts away again. With how Papyrus is still adjusting to feeling emotions properly again, his first thought is it's something to do with that.] Bro?
[That thought's a safe guess, and not an inaccurate one. Papyrus trembles without immediately answering, glancing up at Sans's halo like he'll find the whole memories up there. What he got from Sans, now that he's pulling on them... It feels like hours passed, between their deaths.]
I'm... sorry. [He offers this in a smaller voice than usual, choked up with too many feelings even compared to the rest of the conversation.] Sorry I keep... leaving you alone, Sans. I know, it's not my fault, of course it's not! But...
[Sans isn't entirely sure what Papyrus is referring to, and he doesn't like that. There's a few options, but none of them are exactly things Sans wants to talk about. Still, Papyrus is right that it's not his fault. He's still got his hand on Papyrus's arm, and he pats it a little awkwardly.] Hey, you're here now, yeah? It's not your fault, so why worry about it? [...Whichever "it" they're talking about. Papyrus's tone seems thicker with emotion than it was even a few moments ago, and considering the things they were talking about in general, Sans suspects it was--uh, the first time. But if he asks and it's not that... Better not to ask.]
[Papyrus starts shaking his head before Sans even finishes talking, dismissing the dismissal. He's not sure he could not-worry about it, right this moment, and he doesn't want to try yet. Not just yet. It feels like... he owes Sans this? Even if Sans doesn't want to think about it. Maybe especially because of that.]
No, I know that. I just...! [He tentatively shifts his arm out from under Sans's, reaches behind to bring his brother in for a half-hug. Tentatively, because he is still unnerved about it, after all these emotions - but mostly because his mechanical body's so much sturdier than bones ever were, and Sans is already so fragile, and Papyrus never, ever wants to feel what it's like being on the other side of this grief firsthand. Especially not... literally.] It keeps... happening. And you, you keep going away. Hiding, from how it hurts... I don't want you being alone here. Or anywhere.
Edited (small text for sharing illegal sad feelings) 2021-12-23 09:40 (UTC)
[Sans freezes for a moment, surprised, before he returns the hug. There isn't a quick, breezy way to dodge this; he can hardly claim not to have been alone. Can't say it wasn't a big deal when it obviously was. Papyrus has acted strange here in several different ways. They both have. But when Sans thinks about being alone, really being alone, he goes back to his brother's dust blowing away in the wind of Snowdin. His grip tightens.] You're here now. [Which is a miracle, probably. You don't just come back to life, not if you're a monster, not after who knows how long.]
[It's not the responses he wants to hear, and Papyrus grumbles a particularly static sound of frustration, but he still nods into Sans's shoulder.] ...I'm here now. [His voice is soft and heavy with resignation and determination. He'll do his best to keep being here. Staying alive, copying the important things, making a whole complicated reminder of who he is and why and how, to keep being himself. Partly because being Papyrus is pretty great, even when he's weeping from feeling too much, and the world deserves to experience more of what he has to offer... And partly because, he can't be sure Sans won't fall to pieces and disappear from the world, if he's not. And maybe this is a feeling he should ask Sans to sense, this feeling of wanting his brother to live for himself, instead of... what he keeps doing, when Papyrus isn't quite there.]
Edited (narration missing an important sentence) 2021-12-23 10:31 (UTC)
[Sans hears the frustration and resignation and thinks, not for the first time, that he relies on Papyrus too much. That he's selfish. But there's part of him that's furious at the world over those thoughts--that he has to think them at all. It's the world and the things in it that keep taking his brother away. Papyrus shouldn't have died. Papyrus shouldn't keep getting his memories stolen and his personality changed. The universe itself is perfectly neutral, but there are things in it that have intent ranging from malicious to incomprehensible and even though there isn't a point to having all these feelings about it, Sans is angry anyway.] Sorry. [His voice is muffled, because he hasn't let go of Papyrus, is hanging on tight in a way he hasn't let himself before out of fear of saying things he tries to hide. All he can manage is an apology for a lot of things he doesn't talk about.]
that week delayed tag where you reread the whole thread and you're still not sure it's right, but
[It's just as well, because Papyrus isn't in a hurry to release the hug either. This time the sound he makes is somewhat less of frustration, and more of a sigh. Days like this... he can really understand wanting breaks from constantly striving for self-improvement. Just holding steady feels exhausting. When he speaks up, his voice is shaky - from all these feelings, from trying to sound steadier than he feels, and a little bit from forcing some levity into his voice.]
You... should be? [Despite the wording, it's not said harshly - if anything, his voice is growing shakier with trying not to laugh.] You're interrupting my saying sorry, to say sorry to me? Don't... don't start apologizing for me apologizing! Just saying sorry back and forth... We could get stuck forever! [It's silly enough he coughs a laugh before he realizes it, because feeling so intensely does mean feelings like amusement, too.]
this is what happens when they try to talk about feelings
[Papyrus laughing makes Sans laugh, though it's an unsteady thing leaning toward strung-out agitation at first before the sound settles into a more typical tone as he leaps for something less serious and full of dangerous thoughts.] Well what should I do now? If I don't say sorry for getting us stuck you're say I'm bein' rude.
Edited 2021-12-29 07:38 (UTC)
skeleton conundrum, they don't talk feelings when they're having them OR when they're not
I... I don't know. [There's too much, and he sniffles before reaching a gloved hand up to wipe his cheekbones again.] Maybe I forgot that too. I get a break from knowing everything today! [Sans's apology can be in the form of a semi-graceful escape from apology town. Tomorrow, of course, will be business as usual, where Papyrus knows best. And is hopefully calmed down a little by then. This heightened state had better not be permanent, or they'll both be upset forever.
[Sans loosens his grip on Papyrus. His own emotions, not nearly as loud as Papyrus's especially today (but maybe not yesterday), are calming down the more it seems like they can just stop talking about this without Sans stepping into any landmines over it. When he finally lets go, he nudges Papyrus's shoulder with his own as he puts space between them again.] Wanna watch TV instead? [There probably isn't a pollination documentary on this morning, but there must be something.]
TV... That's always your suggestion. [Truly the get-out-of-conversation-free card.] But... maybe today's a day for classics. [He can pretend he's crying or laughing or so on at whatever's happening on the screen, instead of admitting to any more heartfelt griefs. It's too bad they can't watch some classic movies or shows from back underground, not without a lot more scouring of his memories and careful video compilation... But even while he gets a fresh wave of grief and nostalgia emerging as tears on his crumpled face, he manages to nod to confirm his agreement.]
[Sans grabs the remote with one of his invisible hands, so the remote looks a little like it's floating. He flicks through channels, skipping anything that looks remotely like a talk show, before landing on some morning cooking show.] Hey, what about this? [His attempt to pander to Papyrus's tastes is not even a little subtle.]
[Sans drops the remote onto the couch in between them and settles into his usual spot, like things are normal and didn't get weirdly emotional for both of them and Sans didn't have to reveal his emotion manipulation powers and everyone is fine. He's gotten pretty good at curling his wings up as a makeshift blanket. That's important.]
You can pick the movie. I kind of want a post-breakfast nap. [Now that the initial surge of energy from the first sunlight of the day has passed, he's reminded that he didn't get a lot of sleep. He could do that now, probably.]
[Papyrus watches the increasingly speedy process of bundling up within wings with a watery smile.] Going right to sleep at the first opportunity, huh...? [He sighs yet again, but it's mostly a laugh. It just goes to show that Sans was surely right about why he got wings. Not for any mystical prophecy reasons, despite that light show in his ribcage - it's so he always has a blanket with him for prime napping opportunities. Besides, it's helpful if he wants to try an incognito nap on the side. He reaches for the remote, then pauses.] Are you closing your eyes immediately...? No vetoing what I select? [If so, there's no need for him to open the schedule on the TV itself, not if Sans isn't watching the process - Papyrus can just check through his phone.]
[Sans gives Papyrus a considering look, though it's not anywhere near as tense as the various looks he's been giving Papyrus over the last couple days and during this latest conversation. No, this is the considering look all siblings have when they consider the merits of allowing something like a "no veto" rule. It's the look every older sibling, no matter how lazy and irresponsible, knows how to make when their younger sibling is requesting something that would give them such nearly unfathomable television power. But it's Papyrus, so Sans's eyes all close after a moment as he wedges more snugly into his corner of the couch.] Yeah, go for it.
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spaghettimonster) wrote2021-07-31 02:32 am
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Sans doesn't know how to think about it. He tries not to.] Alphys never liked when I messed with her computer stuff, either. Dunno why. [He knows exactly why, and the answer is because he would always change the settings in a mostly harmless but extremely obnoxious way.]
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[Which... that, of course, brings up the question of what happened to her. If she was safe, how the evacuation went for everyone. Whether anyone managed to stop the human, through more conventionally lethal means than his last ditch plea to their morality and/or fears... One doesn't need to sense others' emotions to follow the path of his emotions, worry and unresolved grief clearly crossing his face again. But he ducks his head further, skimming the snapshots of memory he's saved to the phone to try and focus on something other than that uncertainty.]
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If she ever shows up, I'll let you know what she thinks. [Sans's reply is casual, but he's a little distant in his response. Trying not to think too hard about it. Thinking about home always gets that out of him.]
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[If he ever gets the chance. Not looking likely, with how rare that strange lightning is, and how nobody else they've ever known has shown up. And it's not clear why, not when it turned out Sans hadn't died right after him, but after... a real fight, in a golden hallway...? He hasn't thought of that in a while, those memories he kept getting so frustrated with for leaking over the hivemind in the early part of renovating their new home. The echoes of grief and anger and retribution, but more than that the desperation to stop them before it was too late. That heavy, heart-crumbling guilt that even Papyrus's own death hadn't been too late... His fingers come to a trembling halt in his browsing of the gallery, as he stares more into secondhand memory than this copy of his own.]
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Sans notices the sudden pause in Papyrus's scrolling a moment after pushing his own thoughts away again. With how Papyrus is still adjusting to feeling emotions properly again, his first thought is it's something to do with that.] Bro?
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I'm... sorry. [He offers this in a smaller voice than usual, choked up with too many feelings even compared to the rest of the conversation.] Sorry I keep... leaving you alone, Sans. I know, it's not my fault, of course it's not! But...
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No, I know that. I just...! [He tentatively shifts his arm out from under Sans's, reaches behind to bring his brother in for a half-hug. Tentatively, because he is still unnerved about it, after all these emotions - but mostly because his mechanical body's so much sturdier than bones ever were, and Sans is already so fragile, and Papyrus never, ever wants to feel what it's like being on the other side of this grief firsthand. Especially not... literally.] It keeps... happening. And you, you keep going away. Hiding, from how it hurts... I don't want you being alone here. Or anywhere.
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that week delayed tag where you reread the whole thread and you're still not sure it's right, but
You... should be? [Despite the wording, it's not said harshly - if anything, his voice is growing shakier with trying not to laugh.] You're interrupting my saying sorry, to say sorry to me? Don't... don't start apologizing for me apologizing! Just saying sorry back and forth... We could get stuck forever! [It's silly enough he coughs a laugh before he realizes it, because feeling so intensely does mean feelings like amusement, too.]
this is what happens when they try to talk about feelings
skeleton conundrum, they don't talk feelings when they're having them OR when they're not
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You can pick the movie. I kind of want a post-breakfast nap. [Now that the initial surge of energy from the first sunlight of the day has passed, he's reminded that he didn't get a lot of sleep. He could do that now, probably.]
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