[These emotions are sharp and dangerous, but it's something new to work with. And while it's a memory of emotion, it doesn't feel entirely like a memory. The disdain sits uneasily on Sans, dragging his own memories back to the anomaly. Sans pulls back, disconnects from Papyrus and shakes his head like he's dislodging the feelings.]
Okay. I'm done. I got it. [That ache is creeping back in, now that the smoothed out calmness is gone. He does his best to ignore it. He does his best to ignore the current of unease that other people can just overwrite his emotions if he shifts his magic the wrong way, too. Focus on Papyrus's situation.] You're getting pieces of emotions stuck in your memories.
...Already? [Papyrus's eyes flare in brief surprise as he refocuses on the present, on the ongoing memorization of Sans's posture and expression through the experiment. It looks like he's no longer mirroring Papyrus, given he's not showing the same surprise that Papyrus is feeling - about the speed of the test, and the conclusion drawn, alike.]
Getting 'stuck' in my memories... I've been looking at them. [His voice goes slightly defensive as he frowns. Normally, he might be indignant enough to stand and stomp around the room, at the idea that the very thing he's been examining so closely has the problem, that he's been missing it all this time.] There's notation. Reminders what to feel. It's almost life-like... [Remarkably vivid, he thought. But if Sans thinks differently.] ...You could feel that?
Yeah. I can't tell what you were remembering, just how you felt about it, but that's definitely where they are. [So his memories are tying up his emotion processes... Or something like that. It's weird to think of Papyrus's emotions in those kinds of terms.] Not gone, just, uh, stuck.
Wow. I don't want to believe you, because that sounds like nonsense. But. It's not the kind of nonsense you make jokes about. [He'd know, between a lifetime and more recently specifically compiling a list of that kind of thing, for making his framework of How Papyrus Behaves.exe recommendations. At the very least he has to concede Sans believes it. He shakes his head slowly.]
I can't believe... you've found evidence, that your idea last night was right. [Normally, he might not want to hurt Sans's feelings by asking something so bluntly. But normally a lot of things that should happen don't, and sometimes people steal things without warning, so clearly some of the usual rules are off.] ...Did you know, last night? Did you... do this? At some point?
[Sans can't say the accusation doesn't hurt, but he also can't say he doesn't deserve to be suspected with how much he doesn't say. Surprise at Papyrus asking so plainly shows on his face, but it settles into a more resigned look.] No. I try not to do it at all, even accidentally. Last night was just a guess 'cause they both seemed like they were happening at the same time.
...Okay. [He doesn't bother to sound especially convinced, but he doesn't outright disbelieve it either. Sans looks honestly surprised, for that moment, but the way it settles into resignation, like on some level he'd expected the accusation... Papyrus keeps watching, recording, tracking deviations in expression. It doesn't feel uncomfortable to either of them to keep watching like this, right now, and maybe Sans will confess to other wrong-doings if he's watched long enough.
And maybe that's part of the problem, this want to watch and keep the memories so tightly. Older memories are fragmented and vague, half extrapolations off other memories, and it's frustrating to work with. Things starting since his transformation are more vivid, especially since his eyes changed... But the recording, whatever this is, it didn't start until he started expecting extraordinary recall, when his memories went weird.]
...It didn't, completely, start at the same time. [He can throw his brother a conversational bone, keep the problem solving going, even while he watches and thinks back.] The feelings... that started a few days after I got weird. The memorizing started the first day.
[Sans deserves that continued skepticism, too, even if he doesn't like it. He lies so much, it's not like he can blame Papyrus for not being convinced by what Sans says. The resignation remains, though he doesn't offer up any more sudden confessions for the moment.
(He thinks he wants that calm dullness back. But he doesn't like that he wants that. It doesn't matter, it's not his anyway.)]
So, it's like--you only have a certain amount of emotion, uh... Resources? [GB of emotion. Or whatever.] And the memory started using it all? [Or most of it? This is weird to think about.]
It... seems that way. I guess we were both right. All this robot stuff, all the way up in my skull... [And no sign of his soul glowing with feelings, intention, compassion, or any of it. Just circuitry in his chest, his skull, and all the other casings that temporarily held bones.]
...You know. The more I think on it. I don't remember exactly what I did, because, it was before this. [The memorizing, the numbness.] But, I wanted to remember things. Like I used to, or thought I used to. And then...
It'd make sense if intent turned flipped some switches. Metaphorically. [Even if Papyrus is more robot than skeleton, Sans can't decouple him from the idea of intent entirely. That's how monsters work. It certainly still affects Sans.] Maybe intent could flip them back. [But how much intent can Papyrus manage without all of his emotions? And Papyrus wants to remember things, so...] Or maybe not flip all of 'em back, but some of 'em.
[Papyrus's face twitches in a smile, even despite the staring and daring to confess to things, when Sans adds 'metaphorically.' It's seeming like there are some very real, very small, very not metaphorical switches in him, uncomfortable as that is to contemplate.]
I don't know if I can convincingly not want to remember things... Even though there are, things I wish I didn't know in the first place. [Like the human, and their rampage. Or how it felt for his bones to dissolve, twice. But he's already experienced not remembering that, and remembering it all over again, and it was... not enjoyable.]
Maybe hacking myself? It could take a while. I've mostly been working on the machinery, not the code... [Since, emotionally, it was more comfortable to feel like he has a prosthetic body than to think of himself as a robot with a skull.] But if this lasts a while, I might figure it out. [Assuming it's not the kind of function that's deliberately obscured, hard to switch off as a fail-safe against sabotage.]
[Sans is quiet for a while, which means he's thinking about something. Unfortunately, even for robotically-enhanced camera vision, Sans locks down his expression while he does it. Working on the code, like Papyrus is a bunch of programs. But that's kind of the thing, right? One of the programs is using too many of the resources. Restarting just isn't a thing here; changing the priorities, though... Well, if Papyrus could immediately find the "use these emotions elsewhere" button he'd probably just have pressed it by now. So yeah, hacking. You'd have to--]
Force the reallocation. Force something else to be higher priority. [Something emotional. Without Sans thinking out loud, might seem like Sans is just restating what Papyrus said, but there was too much quiet for Sans to have not been following some train of thought or another.]
[During the silence, Papyrus's thoughts go down other avenues. The increased need to back things up, if he's going to seriously muck around with more than commenting and making lists. When Sans speaks up, he startles at the tangent. The term's familiar enough - while he's been more focused on machinery, he has done a little with computing and coding. And it's seconds to pull up a frame of reference, anyway.]
....I don't know if it's bad sectors, exactly... And they say not to do that to a drive with things stored on it. [Which would bring them back to Sans's earlier suggestion - to put his memories on an external drive, and delete them from himself. It's not any less troubling now than in the middle of the night.] It's a shame sleeping didn't reset anything...
If you opened a new program that used the, uh, emotion data... [This is getting increasingly strange to talk about.] Then you close that program. It might free up the emotions without completely wrecking the memories. [Of course, there would be emotion data loss, at least, but maybe not the recordings of what happened?]
That seems... sensible. [He's almost surprised by it, and a little relieved. Enough so that he relaxes his pose to lean his arm on the couch, and rest his jaw on his hand. A finger taps on his cheek as he thinks. It's still complicated-sounding in the how to achieve this. Maybe if he redesigns the framework of personality recommendations, and tries to instruct it to access his memories directly...?] A good direction to focus my efforts in.
[Papyrus hadn't exactly stopped watching his brother, but it's clear when he focuses his full attention on him again, as his eyes flicker with the different ways he sees now.] ...Focus my efforts?
[Sans's expression is entirely locked down, stuck in that meaningless grin. He's expecting this to not go over well.] I can make someone feel something. And then stop it.
[Meaningless and motionless as it is, Papyrus continues memorizing every millisecond of that silent grin. His own body goes still, locking into place as he processes. Not just the passive sensing. Something more intrusive. That his brother delayed mentioning, as much as he thought he could.]
I'd have to touch you to do it. [I haven't done it yet, is what he means. I've never done it to you at all. But if Papyrus doesn't believe him, that's Sans's fault. It's fine. He stays where he's sitting on the couch, unmoving.] I've only done it a couple times before but it worked fine.
Edited (okay technically he did it more than once just to the same guy) 2021-12-20 06:21 (UTC)
[Seconds pass, and Sans's position stays unchanged. Papyrus recognizes the motionlessness for the reassurance it's meant to be - a demonstration of no sudden movements. He did the same thing, last night. But now he trembles unintentionally, draws back slightly before he consciously notes the logged movement. Fear deep enough he's feeling it even now. If he was feeling everything...]
...When have you? [To whom? How long ago? ...Why?]
[Sans's wings curl, just a little. If he wasn't holding himself so deliberately still, they might curl around him entirely. But he's good at holding still, always has been.] I made Dylan confess. [It had been easy. He'd hardly exerted himself, using his magic like that. And he doesn't feel bad about it, even now, but that doesn't mean he'd wanted everyone to know he'd done it. If Papyrus had his full emotional range, how would he be reacting right now? Even like this he's shaking.]
[Papyrus nods, very slowly. From where he's sitting, that... seems like a good goal. Especially for the emergency call that Sans rushed off to, probably saving some peoples' lives. Even if it didn't save Dylan's. Or, actively put Dylan in harm's way?]
Didn't he... have a breakdown. Confessing. And nothing else? [Admittedly, he died shortly after, which was probably from all the claw wounds and not complications from whatever Sans did to his emotions. Maybe he would have recovered from the confessing thing.] ...Are you sure you can stop it? [Who else did you do this kind of thing to.]
He had a breakdown because I made him feel guilty about what he did. I was standing behind him while that was being recorded. [So while Sans might be partially responsible, as far as Sans is concerned Dylan put himself in that situation. But also, that was a recording where Sans was actively using the ability, not an aftereffect of it.] That was the second time I did it. The first time I did, he recovered enough to try and kill someone. [So yeah, he went back to normal. There's a hint of bitterness there, if Papyrus is paying very close attention--Sans considers that a mistake he made. He should have gotten it done before anyone else got hurt. But hey, what else is new with him?] If I did it with you it wouldn't be something negative.
...So it wore off. [That's not exactly the same as proof that Sans can cancel it, not exactly what he asked. It might be the better answer - if Sans were to do something while not in his right mind, it'll fade away eventually. At least somewhat. But the bitterness, like Sans is frustrated with himself for letting it wear off, for giving Dylan the opportunity to do better... That's concerning.] What if... I say no. And look for a different way of doing this.
Then I don't do anything, and you look for some other way to do it. [His grin quirks just a bit, his gaze somewhere else in time.] I'm great at doing nothing.
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Okay. I'm done. I got it. [That ache is creeping back in, now that the smoothed out calmness is gone. He does his best to ignore it. He does his best to ignore the current of unease that other people can just overwrite his emotions if he shifts his magic the wrong way, too. Focus on Papyrus's situation.] You're getting pieces of emotions stuck in your memories.
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Getting 'stuck' in my memories... I've been looking at them. [His voice goes slightly defensive as he frowns. Normally, he might be indignant enough to stand and stomp around the room, at the idea that the very thing he's been examining so closely has the problem, that he's been missing it all this time.] There's notation. Reminders what to feel. It's almost life-like... [Remarkably vivid, he thought. But if Sans thinks differently.] ...You could feel that?
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I can't believe... you've found evidence, that your idea last night was right. [Normally, he might not want to hurt Sans's feelings by asking something so bluntly. But normally a lot of things that should happen don't, and sometimes people steal things without warning, so clearly some of the usual rules are off.] ...Did you know, last night? Did you... do this? At some point?
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[At least he can answer completely honestly.]
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And maybe that's part of the problem, this want to watch and keep the memories so tightly. Older memories are fragmented and vague, half extrapolations off other memories, and it's frustrating to work with. Things starting since his transformation are more vivid, especially since his eyes changed... But the recording, whatever this is, it didn't start until he started expecting extraordinary recall, when his memories went weird.]
...It didn't, completely, start at the same time. [He can throw his brother a conversational bone, keep the problem solving going, even while he watches and thinks back.] The feelings... that started a few days after I got weird. The memorizing started the first day.
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(He thinks he wants that calm dullness back. But he doesn't like that he wants that. It doesn't matter, it's not his anyway.)]
So, it's like--you only have a certain amount of emotion, uh... Resources? [GB of emotion. Or whatever.] And the memory started using it all? [Or most of it? This is weird to think about.]
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...You know. The more I think on it. I don't remember exactly what I did, because, it was before this. [The memorizing, the numbness.] But, I wanted to remember things. Like I used to, or thought I used to. And then...
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I don't know if I can convincingly not want to remember things... Even though there are, things I wish I didn't know in the first place. [Like the human, and their rampage. Or how it felt for his bones to dissolve, twice. But he's already experienced not remembering that, and remembering it all over again, and it was... not enjoyable.]
Maybe hacking myself? It could take a while. I've mostly been working on the machinery, not the code... [Since, emotionally, it was more comfortable to feel like he has a prosthetic body than to think of himself as a robot with a skull.] But if this lasts a while, I might figure it out. [Assuming it's not the kind of function that's deliberately obscured, hard to switch off as a fail-safe against sabotage.]
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Force the reallocation. Force something else to be higher priority. [Something emotional. Without Sans thinking out loud, might seem like Sans is just restating what Papyrus said, but there was too much quiet for Sans to have not been following some train of thought or another.]
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....I don't know if it's bad sectors, exactly... And they say not to do that to a drive with things stored on it. [Which would bring them back to Sans's earlier suggestion - to put his memories on an external drive, and delete them from himself. It's not any less troubling now than in the middle of the night.] It's a shame sleeping didn't reset anything...
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...Sans?
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...When have you? [To whom? How long ago? ...Why?]
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Didn't he... have a breakdown. Confessing. And nothing else? [Admittedly, he died shortly after, which was probably from all the claw wounds and not complications from whatever Sans did to his emotions. Maybe he would have recovered from the confessing thing.] ...Are you sure you can stop it? [Who else did you do this kind of thing to.]
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last tag was as i was falling asleep - want to emphasize, he did feel happy there! did
that came across! sans was just overthinking it
as he does
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what if I just steal that icon
crimes! but yeah it's a good one, an uncommon scene but important mood
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that week delayed tag where you reread the whole thread and you're still not sure it's right, but
this is what happens when they try to talk about feelings
skeleton conundrum, they don't talk feelings when they're having them OR when they're not
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